2006年03月11日

keep trying

While I was taking a walk, I just thought to visit that place. The place where I used to live. The place where I used to play with my friends so innocently. What happy and shining days they were. I just couldn't imagine what was gonna happen next. I just didn't care about anything as I was just satisfied with what I had. So happy and so innocent. So fragile but eternal. I just didn't want any more than that.

Those days, I know now, will never come back again. I found that a lot of things are still there what just they used to be like, old houses, my elementary school, same name plates that I found and read in the old times. But I also found that a lot of things changed or disappeared forever. New modern new houses were built after the old houses that I know. They put new name places and drive new cars. They raise new plants and flowers. The kiwi tree that I used to love was gone.

I even went and stood in front of the room that I used to live, play and sleep. The window said, "no, this is not the place you should come back. Your space doesn't exist here any longer. And it won't forever. You cannot come back. It is the best for you." I tried to step down the stairs like I used to. I looked at the parking lots that I used to play. It doesn't look changed, but it is filled with strange cars to me. I saw the place that I used to hide after school. I was really excited to be found by mom. I waited forever for her there. But I never felt alone because I know where she was. I enjoyed being by myself because I was not alone.

No matther how hard I tried, however, I just couldn't find the things that used to exist there. I even couldn't remember what there used to be there. I felt so nostalgic and sad but at the same time, something warm filled my heart. My heart was singing the songs that I used to love. I know time never goes backwards. Yet, still I can keep and pile my special memories. Those days were so precious that they wouldn't go away. Those days were so special that nobody could steal from me.

No matter how hard I keep trying, those days wouldn't come back to me. Then, what can I do? How should I live from now on? Where should I go? Is there any place that I can feel at ease and sleep peacefully? Is there anybody I can rely on? Is there anybody I can talk to? Is there anybody who would cry for me? Is there anybody who would smile for me?

Yes, yes, yes!!!

Yes, there are. I am not all alone. Even though I lost a lot of things, I got something really important instead. Even though I cannot go back to that place, I got another new place to go back. I have a couple of precious friends who can talk to, rely on, cry and smile together. Yes, it is not that bad. Yes, it is quite good, actually. Then, why am I crying now? Then, why am I so sad?

Well, well, I am just very nostalgic. I am crying for what I used to have. I am crying for what I used to love. I am crying for what I used to be. I am thinking about everything that disappeared.

But at the same time, I am crying for what I have now. That is joy, happiness and heart-warming things. Yes, I must be crying for happiness. Yes, I must be crying for hope. Yes, I must be crying for tomorrow. Yes, I must be crying for future. Be grateful, confident, and appreciative what I have. Since I have a lot of things to pray for, I should be calm and kind. By tomorrow, the sun would rises and I would be in sunshine. Even if it rains, I have sunshine in my heart.

Be happy.

I wish all of my friends have a great day tomorrow. I pray for them silently.
posted by sleepyhead at 20:44| Comment(0) | TrackBack(0) | diary | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする
この記事へのコメント
コメントを書く
お名前:

メールアドレス:

ホームページアドレス:

コメント:

認証コード: [必須入力]


※画像の中の文字を半角で入力してください。
この記事へのトラックバックURL
http://blog.seesaa.jp/tb/14648679

この記事へのトラックバック
×

この広告は1年以上新しい記事の投稿がないブログに表示されております。